With  all that is going on, now my Dad is going in for surgery this morning, possible testicular cancer, he kind of downplayed it, said we had enough to worry about. was going to post this last night but got busy and too tired.

For over 35 years we have farmed together, on  the farm that his great great grandfather started always one of us here at all times, the thought of him not being here is killing me, I’m afraid of running this operation without him,  he is 78 and the idea of being useless is his worst nightmare. He always talks about his father taking care of his grandfather, sleeping outside his bedroom door on a cot for 5 years to help him at night, still is haunts him, claims he would rather die than put me or our family through the same. The strain of all that and the depression caused his dad to sink into a deep depression and he killed himself while dad was in Columbus receiving his State Farmer Degree from the FFA.  When I received my Degree dad made it clear that he could not be there, to my surprise when I was inline with 120 other boys, there stood dad, he explained later that it shook him so bad that he got an uncle to milk for him and he went anyway. His dad has haunted him for his entire life. So here I am sitting in  the milkhouse at 5:30 am, just said goodby, told him I love him and watched the van leave, he looks so frail, he never looked like that to me before, Oh God I am frightened, I don’t know if I can run this without him. I pray the rosary at night as I lay in bed and fall asleep, My late grandma (his mother, she lived with us till she died ) always told me not to worry if you fall asleep and not finish, your guardian angel will finish it for you, well he has been finishing many for me lately. I had to get this off my chest, I got to get to work the help just arrived