(1) Inherit a downtown parish renowned for its generosity with the sacraments.

(2) Cut back Confession to one hour on a Saturday afternoon from six days a week.

(3) Cancel the well-attended weekday morning Mass.*

(4) Don’t bother alerting parishioners and worshipers of your changes via the parish website because you failed to pay the hosting firm that maintains it.

* My father-in-law and I learned step 3 this morning by showing up to an empty church.